Little in the middle with a big fucking ass

Background: My dad is a real big real Hawaiian guy.

The other night he took me out for Hawaiian. As I looked around the place and its Hawaiian patrons, I hoped to never fulfill my genetic predisposition to become a big, big girl. When he offered me a diet Coke I said, "No way! I read that stuff gives you cellulite. Pass."

He replied, "Well, just get a regular Coke."

Ten thousand cool points to my dad for having absolutely zero conception of the words "diet" or "moderation".