Since you have to write it down, I write it down.

On Saturday night I was at a friend's graduation party, drinking beer with his F-word slurring, Marlboro Ultra Light-puffing mother, who complained about having recently ballooned from a size 10 to a size "I won't even tell you". The music was the blues. The beer was from a keg in the pool.

Somehow in my haze I noticed, disbelievingly, a mariachi band entering the party next door. I went to investigate and found a Mexican party dunked in debauchery and a really hot girls-only Mariachi band singing Christmas songs.

In honor of the black woman in the audience, they broke out into a mariachi rendition of "I Will Survive" and the black woman sang along soul-style. Everyone was drinking.

I don't know how you might compete with that. I busted into the party by jiggering open the back fence and got stuck with a metal something and now I have an infected finger. Still worth it.