To Ignatius J. Reilly

I'm a teacher, so I can wear jeans to work, if they're nice enough. My jeans are basically nice enough, except for my favorite pair.

My favorite pair is an old 100% cotton version of Paper Denim's 2-Trus, from back when Scott Morrison actually ran the company. Stretch components in denim cause the fit to fuck up in the long run. All cotton jeans, though, just get better.

I am horrified that a small hole has developed on one of the knees. I am not ready to not wear this jean any more, so I've been nursing the hole, whispering to it, begging it to not develop into a big hole.

Also, I decided to not retire the jeans voluntarily. Someone will have to tell me to not wear them.
I am so badass.