This is a true story

Last week, my dad was home alone with the dogs. The dogs are a pit bull, Killer Kia, and a German Shepard, Uta. The dogs get into a fight. My dad lets them fight. "We should let nature take its course," he says. He continues to watch football. My sister gets home. She sees Uta's ear on the floor. She says, "Dad, what is wrong with Uta?" He replies, "What do you mean?" She responds, "Her ear is on the floor." He replies, "What do you mean?" She shows him the ear. He replies, "Oh, that's what you mean." Then he calls the dog. They confer that yes, Uta's ear has been chomped off by Killer Kia. My sister puts hydrogen peroxide on Uta's stub. My dad continues to watch football.

Instances like these are why I left home when I was seventeen. When people today ask me why I left so young, I just shrug my shoulders and reply, "I went to college early."