If Your Neighbor's House Is On Fire, Maybe They Smoke Too Much In Bed

Last night I went with my friend Gina to hang out with some weirdos I'd never met before. "This is my friend Salty," she said, "Salty was my roommate for our year abroad. We didn't know each other when we flew over together and when we landed I commented that I needed to brush my teeth but had nothing to do it with so she whipped her toothbrush out and said, 'Here, use mine!"

I turned red. This is not how I like to be introduced.

In revenge I told them about how her grating personality caused our other roommate to stop flushing the toilet, ever, and then videotaped her reaction and the ensuing pandemonium for months until she went home early.

This is how you know you're best friends with someone.