Dij, dij, dij, dijonnaise, naise, naise

Supposedly, traditional birth control works in two ways. First, it prevents the ovaries from releasing an egg. Second, it thickens the mucus around the cervix thus hindering the movement of sperm. What they don't tell you is that it also works by rearranging your brain cells so that you become relatively sexually apathetic.

I have been off the BC for five days. Being off BC is like being on a sexual hallucinogen. No, I'm not staring at the eyelash that fell on their cheek. I'm imagining them boning me doggy-style. I imagine myself straddling them. I want them to slap my ass as I walk away.

This is why I need to be on BC.
This is why I'm glad my BF does not read my blog.