Hypnotizers move through the room like ambulance drivers

Yesterday after the staff meeting Catty English Teacher zoomed toward me to unload one of her barbed comments. "So," she said, "I noticed you got bangs during winter break. You and all the high school girls, that is."

I told her the worst part of it was that I used a tabloid picture as the inspiration for the cut, and the high school girls probably had someone classy in mind when they stole their hair cut.

But actually, the worst part is that I'm terrible at insulting people. If I had any guts, I would have insulted her purse, which is made out of patent leather.

But then again, that would have been lame, too.