Yep, the singular they. Kiss my ass.

Due to recent rains here in Arizona, traffic has been shitty and unnecessary car accidents have occurred. Because I am an expert driver, I shall give some tips to all the jerk-offs on the road today:

1. Fog is just the world being a little bit more opaque than usual. It is not a death trap. Avoid getting hit by turning on your lights and not driving at 25 mph. Nobody- absolutely nobody- expects some invisible asshole to be crawling along twenty miles below, you jerk-off.

2. When someone honks at you to take your left hand turn or to merge, just do it. It is someone being nice. Returning the favor by refusing and insisting that they go instead holds up everyone. I hate you when you do that. In fact, we all do.

3. If you leave a large gap between yourself and the car in front of you because you are afraid it might suddenly stop, that is fine. But don't become shocked and offended when someone fills that gap with his own car. That's called "efficient use of space".

4. If you are the first in line at a red light, do not start to Blackberry or jerk off. Keep your eyes on the light, so that maybe the fourth car can get in on that green light too.

5. Move. The correct speed to drive at is ten miles above the speed limit unless you are in the right hand lane. If you are a good driver, drive at 12-plus to barely avoid notice from the police. I will thank you. In fact, we all will.

Thank you all for noticing my soap box.

I am also in a bad mood today.