I've spent 12 long months on the lam

My mom did end up getting a shiny new dog, so I am stuck with Uta, The Most Beautiful Dog in the World.

The Most Beautiful Dog in the World and I are getting along famously, so I don't mind her much. I have gotten used to walking her in the mornings. She is very well-trained, so when we walk she doesn't pull but walks with me, alert, eyes searching for someone who may kill or rape me. So far she has marked the mailbox as a prime suspect, as well as a big rock where other dogs also like to pee.

Her version of casing the neighborhood involves scanning her field of vision and then glaring at anything threatening. This may be a mailbox or it may be a toddler. I like it when it's a toddler, because I know she's not really dangerous. But the mother doesn't. "Don't worry," I say, "She only attacks when you make sudden movements." From literature I know that toddlers are prone to sudden movements.

It's kind of a jerk thing to do but it's fun. And it's in the 70s in the mornings now so everybody's wearing big thick jackets. So if she did attack she would just sink her teeth into some down feathers.