I know you're a recluse, you know that's no excuse

The Most Beautiful Dog in the World and I have been doing a lot of bonding lately, since I'm pretty much stuck with her. As I spend more time with her, I find myself developing a list of gripes.

She is too smart. I took her for a drive this weekend and every time I look back she's powered-down the window and has stuck out her head. This is fine except her desire is to stick her entire chest out the window, triumphantly, like the discoverer of a new land. Firstly, this is dangerous. Secondly, I'm the driver, which would make me the discoverer, not her.

Her every activity is centered around immediate Sapphic pleasure. She likes to smell vagina and lick her pussy. This is a terrible thing, especially when I am menstruating.

My dog is an uncontrollable egotistical hedonist. I was cursing her name earlier for her faults when suddenly I was struck by the thought: My poor mother.