This Is Not A Metaphor.

My biggest goal at work today was to sneak away and slip a package into the California Overnight box a couple of miles away. Well, I almost didn't make it.

First, I forgot my phone at the office which meant that I couldn't call Cal Overnight customer service to ask where the drop box is. I had to use my extremely rare special visual recall powers to remember the exact address of the drop box, and then go find it in the strip mall. Finally I found it, but the flow of traffic was moving too quickly to turn right so I parked at the next strip mall, hopped the fence, and immediately dropped my package into the DHL box instead of the CO box.

And then I remembered that I have a speeding ticket due this Friday.

I hate myself, and I want to die.