Californication

Today at yoga the best thing ever happened. While doing the bow pose I found myself losing balance. But instead of falling out and regrouping, I decided to fall into the wall next to me and use my arm to spring back, so that I wouldn't have to unkick my leg. It didn't work that way because the wall was about 3 feet farther back than I had anticipated, causing me to yell "GOD!" as I tumbled into the wall, jamming my shoulder before totally collapsing.

The superhot instructor came by and said, "Oh, you scratched your shoulder on the wall." I told him it wasn't a scratch, it's eczema.

"What'd you scratch it on?" he asked again.

"It's eczema, not a scratch," I replied.

"What?"

"IT'S NOT A SCRATCH. IT'S MY ECZEMA, A SKIN RASH DISORDER CAUSED BY STRESS AND ALLERGIES AS WELL AS WHEAT AND DAIRY. IT'S CONTAGIOUS IF YOU STARE AT IT TOO LONG."