Yesterday I ran a 5k race on Staten Island that has been a family tradition for many years. After the race I ate three cheeseburgers and drank three beers. This was around 11 am.
By the time I got to my inlaws' father's day party and my father-in-law broke out the Corvosier that someone had given him as a gift, everyone knew how my day was going.
I tried to convince my wife's cousin, who is in high school, to try being a lesbian because she might really like it. I ended the conversation with, "Just don't rule it out right away. That's all I'm saying."
I noticed my father-in-law's new camera lens and asked him if he was trying to compensate for something.
When my wife's aunt asked if I had gained weight, I asked her what kind of social rules she lives by that make that question acceptable.
And when my wife's cousin asked what type of iPod he should buy, I put my arm around him and said, "Listen, it's not the size that matters. It's how you use it. And don't let anybody tell you otherwise."
I think my wife was happy that I slept on the way home.
|