Earl please leave me alone

Last night a friend of ours came over to regale us with stories of his recent trip to the Spanish countryside.

When he came home and, ahem, found a parasite, he called the doctor's office to beg for an immediate appointment. The receptionist refused. "Understand-- I just shat a worm!" he pled.

She penciled him in for 3:30. When the lab results came back in, he spoke with the same woman. She opened the conversation with, "So, how often do you eat dirt?"