Your mouth is so big, one bite would kill a Big Mac

Last night the wife and I took a class in "Fish Cookery." We don't cook fish at home very often so we thought it would be nice to learn some new techniques.

The class had that old, lonely guy who looks like his mother still cuts his hair. He came by himself. He disrupted the class at every turn. When the instructor said, "Season the tilapia with salt and pepper," he said, "SHOULDN'T WE BE USING WHITE PEPPER SO THAT IT LOOKS NICER?"

I wanted to say that watching the Food Network doesn't make you a chef and white pepper is for losers, but I refrained.

An hour later the instructor said, "Season the salmon with salt and pepper." He said, "WHY AREN'T WE USING KOSHER SALT? THAT'S WHAT I USE AT HOME."

Late, I remarked to the instructor that I'd never seen anyone add nuts to a compound butter before, he said, "OF COURSE, IT ADDS TEXTURE. LIKE PIGNOLI NUTS IN A PESTO SAUCE."

Luckily the wife grabbed my hand when I went for the knife to stab him.