My little sister is very different from me. We are so different that we could only be sisters, because genetics are funny that way. For instance, where I think I am white (cuz, I went to college and stuff), Alien Sister thinks she is black. Where I am snobby because I am morally superior to all around me, Alien Sister is physically superior to all around her.
This physical superiority dominates her life. "What characteristic do you most hate in the opposite sex?" she Seventeen-quizzed Boyfriend. "For me, it's ugly toes!!" she said gleefully. Alien Sister wears her assets and breast-ets proudly so that you never have to wonder if she has all the parts that women are required to have. Her ass is so big that if her jeans were a Tupperware container, you would spend an hour trying to burp the thing before giving up and realizing that the thing cannot be contained.
I was nervous when unleashing this 18-year old upon Hollywood. "Be good," I warned.
She was stalked by a guy described as, "Arabian...creepy" for two miles and three shops until she decided to test him by walking into a tattoo shop, to see if he was really stalking her. When he began perusing the tattoo designs behind her, Alien Sister unleashed her tongue upon him in a monologue described as "very Salty."
As she told me the story my jaw dropped open wider and wide. "What did the tattoo guy do? Did he tell the guy to leave the store?!" I breathed, eyes wide.
"Um" she replied, snapping her fingers, "He didn't have to. I was handling it."
Now that I've decided we're a lot alike, I think I can start liking my sister.
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