Karma, Why Must You Fuck Me So Slowly and So Painfully?

Back in middle school I had this best friend who was a guy. He did something so mean to me that I still can't write about it. So, I responded by making out with him and then telling everyone that he was the worst kisser ever. And then he became the biggest jerk ever. I guess he still hates me for it.

By the way, I didn't learn a lesson. I still wish I could get back at people by embarrassing them sexually. Cuz it works.

This guy is spending his between-school years in the admissions department of a Very Good School that my school wants a lot of its kids to go to. This guy is coming to my school and I have to take him out for a beer.

Oh My God.